Wednesday , 23 July 2014
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Advice for getting through a divorce – I’m moving out. Is it best to get a place close to the kids and my ex?

Advice for getting through a divorce – I’m moving out. Is it best to get a place close to the kids and my ex?

Debbie Martinez

I’m moving out. Is it best to get a place close to the kids and my ex?

Close proximity is always best for convenience sake. If the kids forget something at one of the houses (and they will) and for pick ups and drop offs. How close is up to you. Factors to take into account: Your drive to work, do you have an ex that will drive by your house to see who’s there, budget constraints. If there is a house around the corner, but you’re going to be aggravated by your ex driving by, it’s not worth it. Or if you have to drive 30 minutes for pick-ups, you’ll be stressed. Weigh everything carefully.

My ex never returns the clothes, etc. that I send with my son. I feel like I am stocking up his apartment.

This is always a big source of frustration. You might want to send him an email nicely asking him to gather up all your son’s things and send them back and to please make sure he returns with what he went over with. If that doesn’t work and your son is older, ask him to bring his things back. Explain to him that the clothes you buy need to stay here. Nothing is worse than getting ready to go out, only to find out your son’s dress pants are at his dad’s. If he leaves his favorite xBox game over there and has to go days without playing it, maybe next time he’ll remember to bring it back. I had a client who would only send her son over with certain clothes and shoes. The one tip I can offer is to not become a ping-pong ball. Running over to the ex’s every time the kids forget something. Trust me, you do that and they will continue to “forget”.

I’m overwhelmed with all the paperwork and emails from my attorney, accountant, etc. So now I just ignore them.

Divorce by nature is overwhelming, but ignoring all the phone calls, emails and paperwork will only sink you deeper in the hole and get your attorney upset with you. Get yourself a folder that has several dividers. Use one section for attorney correspondence, one for your attorney’s bill, one for the accountant. Organizing your paperwork will help you feel a sense of orderliness at a time when you feel your life is chaotic. When you get any kind of mail, don’t stockpile it. Open it up and file it right away. Most of the time, the attorney is sending you copies of things that went out. Emails are different. They usually want something from you. Take a deep breath and tell yourself this is just one more step closer to all this being over. You don’t have to stop and do it right then, but having that email read and not hanging over your head, dreading the thought of opening it, does make you feel better. Pace yourself and depending on your schedule, give yourself permission to have a couple of days a week where you don’t do any divorce related things.

Debbie Martinez is a Certified Divorce Life Coach. She has given workshops on divorce and women’s issues and has offices in South Miami. For more information, go to www.thepowerofdivorcecoach.com.