Wednesday , 1 October 2014
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Advice for getting through a divorce

UntitledMy son is off to college and overnight I’m an empty nester. This is not what I expected. All my friends who are empty nesters are talking about what they are going to be doing with their husbands and how nice it is to come home and sit with a glass of wine, just the two of them. That was the life I envisioned for myself, but now I feel like the cat lady I always made fun of growing up. What do I do? I feel pathetic.

You are not pathetic but your way of thinking is. Sorry, but my goal here is not to coddle you, but to get you back into the world of the living. Quite a few single moms I talk to devote their lives to their kids only to find as their children hit their teenage years, they are out with their friends and the mom is left sitting at home. When the kids jump into their car with but a cursory wave good bye, mom walks into an empty house and realizes she has no life to call her own. Let me clarify something here, you can be a damn good mother without being a martyr. You can attend to your children, but still make a life for yourself. Children can be a part of your life without being your life. Don’t confuse enmeshment with love.

That said, you now can make you the focus of your life. Make a bucket list, look up old friends, get back in touch with yourself and see what an interesting person you are. Write a letter to a friend (you don’t mail it) describing your life as if it is one year from now. Then go about setting up goals to get there. It’s called a Grand Design Letter.

Be excited about this chapter in your life and, by the way, your couple friends might be sitting with a glass of wine, but are they talking to each other or are they thinking they would rather have the kids around to keep them from interacting with each other? Not everything is as it seems.Enjoy your life!

A young girl asks a wise old woman, “How does one become a butterfly?”

With a twinkle in her eye, the old woman replied, “You must be willing to give up being a caterpillar.”

Note to Self: This is my time and I am going to embrace it with all the excitement of a child at Christmas.

Debbie’s Library

Single by Judy Ford

Debbie Martinez is a Certified Life Coach specializing in divorce, relationships and women’s issues. She has offices in South Miami. For more information, go to <www.thepowerofdivorcecoach. com> or call 305-984-5121.

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