Advice for getting through a divorce

Debbie Martinez

I am getting divorced. What do I need to do to make this transition as smooth as possible for my children and me?

Create a support system for yourself. Have a great attorney, forensic accountant, estate attorney, financial planner, divorce life coach, therapist and good friends. I can’t stress enough how important it is to meet with an estate attorney and financial planner before you go to mediation. There are also Family Wizard and Aftermath that are worth looking into. Family Wizard will aid you with communication with your ex and Aftermath will help you tie up all the many loose ends after the divorce. Surround yourself with positive people and be patient with yourself as divorce is a process. But if you lay the groundwork, things will go smoother and you’ll feel confident that you’ve covered all your bases.

I’m having a really hard time being around my best friends who are married and buying a summer home. I feel like everyone around me is moving forward with their life and I’m moving backwards.

It’s all about how you look at things. You are not moving backwards, you are just embarking on a different path. Share in the joy with your friends and that positive energy will bring positive things back your way. Set goals and push forward with them. Find something that really excites you and immerse yourself in it. Don’t focus on what you don’t have, focus on what you do have and give thanks for all the great things yet to come.

I have to sell my home and I am so distraught over this. People don’t understand how I feel and I’m tired of hearing them say the same old things — “It’s too big”, “It’s just a house”, “It’s time to move on”, etc. How will I ever make this transition without falling apart? On top of that, my children are upset and I have to appear positive, when I’m not.

In order to have a new dream we have to let go of the old one and that can be heartbreaking, but only in the present tense. Look to the future with the excitement of the unknown. Yes, your home holds memories of the past and memories of dreams hoped for, but move on to new dreams. Give yourself permission to grieve the loss of your home and all that it represents. But know that this isn’t the end of something, but the beginning. Be honest with your children about your feelings and let them express theirs. This is a life lesson for them. They will see and learn resiliency and adaptability. Allow yourself to get excited about this new chapter. Learn to trust in what you don’t see yet. Take it one day at a time and move forward with confidence.

Note to Self: It’s not just about surviving; it’s about getting through it stronger and wiser.

Debbie’s Library – The Divorce Organizer and Planner by Brette McWhorter Sember; Your Divorce Advisor by Diana Mercer; The Power of Resilience by Robert Brooks & Sam Goldstein. Debbie Martinez is a Certified Divorce Life Coach. She has given workshops on divorce and women’s issues and has offices in South Miami. For more information, call 305-984-5121 or go to <www.thepowerofdivorcecoach. com>.

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1 Comment for “Advice for getting through a divorce”

  1. Good tips here. The support system is critical. Also, the experience and temperament of your attorney can make a big difference. Divorce lawyers who market themselves as "aggressive" often end up costing more in legal fees than one who can skillfully negotiate and minimize court appearances.

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