Thursday , 27 November 2014
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It hurts when the caring stops

It hurts when you find out that someone you care about stops caring about you. It is disappointing, upsetting and startling, to say the least. It is normal to have expectations that their feelings will remain the same towards you. It is normal to make assumptions about the nature of their feelings and about the relationship. It is normal to feel sad and unhappy when you become aware of their change of heart.

When someone you care about lets you know by words or actions that you no longer hold a special place in their heart or life, they are letting you down. You feel it. It can prick your heart or it can break your heart. It depends on the severity or the gravity of their actions.

You probably didn’t do anything to cause their feelings to diminish. Even if you did, you probably didn’t do it intentionally. You are probably unaware of why their feelings changed. But, that is irrelevant at this point. What is relevant is how you are going to handle the situation, not just outwardly but inwardly. How are you going to place it in the context of your life? What thoughts will you think and what feelings will you allow?

Losing your value or importance to someone does not mean that you are not valuable and important. It simply means that they have changed and their needs have changed. They no longer need you or want you in the same way. Put their rejection in perspective, you simply misjudged and miscalculated their feelings for you. It’s not you, it’s them. Don’t take it to heart. Don’t analyze it too much. Don’t dwell on their negative traits. Don’t become more guarded, in your relationships, as a result. Let it go just the way you let the pain from a finger prick go. Spend more time with those who do care about you and value you. It is important to keep your own loving and giving nature.

Patricia Frank is a Licensed Psychotherapist. She can be reached at 305-788-4864.

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