By Patricia Frank....
Some people find fault with everyone and everything. They often set you up to fail. If you are in a relationship with someone like this you will be very, very unhappy and very uncomfortable. If you are an adult, get out of the relationship if you can. At least limit your time and exposure. Do not cling to the false hope that they will change. They will never change.
If one or both of your parents had this character defect you will be handicapped with a strong sense of inadequacy and often failure. You may be plagued by guilt as well. It is a terrible curse to feel that you are not good enough. It is a difficult, if not impossible, chore to feel that you always have to prove yourself. That is not healthy because it diminishes you.
There are two scenarios that may occur. You may feel that whatever you do is not good enough so you may stop trying. You may develop resentment towards anyone or anything that makes any demands on you, no matter how minor. You may go the other way and try too hard to please. You may sacrifice your own needs to satisfy the needs of others. This makes you very vulnerable and increases your chance for depression.
Sometimes, what they say and do is so appalling that you are hurt and in disbelief. You will need to become strong and do some work on yourself to turn your thoughts around. You will need to learn to value yourself and put yourself first. You will need to find a buffer if you have to be around the fault finders. Spray some symbolic Pam on your heart and mind so that everything the fault finders say will slide right off of you. Nothing negative will be able to stick to you. Have the Universe and the light of love encircle you and protect you from any negative thoughts or feelings directed at you.
Patricia Frank is a Licensed Psychotherapist. She can be reached at 305-788-4864, 212-308-0309.
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